he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
