Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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