Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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