Michael Bay diarrhea
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
