What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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