That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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