so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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