Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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