I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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