never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
