Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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