wat bout pragnant strippers??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize