I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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