I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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