Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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