I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
