fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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