totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
