Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize