you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this boner is exhausting
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
