I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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