mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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