i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The air was thick with penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
