WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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