In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
