Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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