Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
