She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
