I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
