I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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