the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize