You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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