I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize