My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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