Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
