This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
