My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
