That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
