I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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