where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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