we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
