Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
