i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
