I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize