i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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