I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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