Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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