Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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