i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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