Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
