I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize