the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
