Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
