What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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