So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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