I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
