Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
