i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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