so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
