Small penises have feelings too.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
