Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
