He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how drunk are you?
Several
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
