My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
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Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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