Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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