i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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