hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
