Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
