My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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