i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Actions speak louder than pants.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
