i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
