I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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