I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
