Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
