Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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