I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
