I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
