my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Someone shit on the floor
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
