I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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