i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
