I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
