Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i now understand why vodka
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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