Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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