did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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