Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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