Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
