Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
